apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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