I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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