Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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