i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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