I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
