ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
