if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
