I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
