when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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