Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you had me at cake vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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