She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
