I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize