what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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