So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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