The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
