he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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