Kiss
Puke
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
