Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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