Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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