don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
