i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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