Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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