If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
