Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
