we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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