So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Shame - the story of my life.
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