dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
