I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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