Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
