why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize