wrigley field is MILF paradise
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
