i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
