I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
