The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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