We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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