Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
