I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
