Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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