My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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