friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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