i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
