And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
