Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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