So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
