I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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