I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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