You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
