I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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