talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize