guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
