non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
