it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
