I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
