Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
