I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
