eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
a search helicopter?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
