the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
