Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
