Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
