Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
