So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
