just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
