then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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