I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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