party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
