I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
