I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
