**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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