so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
