What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
