This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Randomize
