I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
